The Queen's Croquet-Ground (Alice in Wonderland (Full Cast))

01Chapter 8 The Queen's Croquet Ground A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden.

02The roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red.

03Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say, Look out now, Five.

04Don't go splashing paint over me like that.

05I couldn't help it, said Five in a sulky tone.

06Seven jogged my elbow, on which Seven looked up and said, That's right, Five.

07Always lay the blame on others.

08You'd better not talk, said Five.

09I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserve to be beheaded.

10What for?

11said the one who had spoken first.

12That's none of your business, Two, said Seven.

13Yes, it is his business, said Five.

14And I'll tell him.

15It was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.

16Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun.

17Well, of all the unjust things.

18When his eye chanced to fall upon Alice as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly, the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.

19What'd you tell me?

20said Alice a little timidly.

21Why are you painting those roses?

22Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two.

23Two began in a low voice.

24Why, the fact is, you see, miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put the white one in by mistake, and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.

25So, you see, miss, we are doing our best afore she comes to.

26At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, The Queen!

27The Queen!

28And the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces.

29There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.

30First came ten soldiers carrying clubs.

31These were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners.

32Next the ten courtiers.

33These were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two as the soldiers did.

34After these came the royal children.

35There were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand in couples.

36They were all ornamented with hearts.

37Next came the guests, mostly kings and queens, and among them Alice recognized the white rabbit.

38It was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her.

39Then followed the knave of hearts, carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and last of all this grand procession came the King and Queen of Hearts.

40Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions.

41And besides, what would be the use of a procession?

42Thought she.

43If people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it.

44So she stood still where she was, and waited.

45When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely, Who is this?

46She said it to the knave of hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.

47Idiot!

48Said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently, and turning to Alice, she went on.

49What's your name, child?

50My name is Alice.

51So please your majesty.

52Said Alice very politely, but she added to herself.

53Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all.

54I needn't be afraid of them.

55And who are these?

56Said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree.

57For, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.

58How should I know?

59Said Alice, surprised at her own courage.

60It's no business of mine.

61The Queen turned crimson with fury, and after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed, Off with her head!

62Off!

63Nonsense!

64Said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

65The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said, Consider, my dear, she is only a child.

66The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the knave, Turn them over.

67The knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

68Get up!

69Said the Queen in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.

70Leave of that!

71screamed the Queen.

72You make me giddy!

73And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, What have you been doing here?

74May it please your majesty, said to in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke.

75You are trying.

76I see.

77Said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.

78Off with the heads!

79And the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.

80You shan't be beheaded, said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near.

81The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.

82Are the heads off?

83shouted the Queen.

84Their heads are gone, if it please your majesty.

85The soldiers shouted in reply.

86That's right!

87shouted the Queen.

88Can you play croquet?

89The soldiers were silent and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.

90Yes!

91shouted Alice.

92Come on, then!

93roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.

94It's—it's a very fine day, said a timid voice at her side.

95She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

96Very, said Alice.

97Where's the Duchess?

98Hush!

99hush!

100said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone.

101He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered, She's under sentence of execution!

102What for?

103said Alice.

104Did you say, what a pity?

105the Rabbit asked.

106No, I didn't, said Alice.

107I don't think it's at all a pity.

108I said, what for?

109She boxed the Queen's ears.

110The Rabbit began.

111Alice gave a little scream of laughter.

112Oh, hush!

113the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone.

114The Queen will hear you.

115You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said— Get to your places!

116shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other.

117However, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began.

118Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet ground in her life.

119It was all ridges and furrows.

120The balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingos, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet to make the arches.

121The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo.

122She succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing.

123And when she had got its head down and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away.

124Besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way, wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to.

125And as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

126The players all played at once, without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs, and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about and shouting, Off with his head!

127Or Off with her head!

128About once in a minute.

129Alice began to feel very uneasy.

130To be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute.

131And then, thought she, What would become of me?

132They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here.

133The great wonder is that there's anyone left alive.

134She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air.

135It puzzled her very much at first, but after watching it a minute or two she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself, It's the Cheshire Cat.

136Now I shall have somebody to talk to.

137Hmm, how are you getting on?

138Said the cat, as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with.

139Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded.

140It's no use speaking to it, She thought.

141Till its ears have come.

142Or at least one of them.

143In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.

144The cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

145I don't think they play at all fairly.

146Alice began, in rather a complaining tone.

147And they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak, and they don't seem to have any rules in particular.

148At least, if there are, nobody attends to them.

149And you've no idea how confusing it is, all the things being alive.

150For instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next, walking about at the other end of the ground.

151And I should have crocaded the queen's hedgehog just now.

152Only it ran away when it saw mine coming.

153How do you like the queen?

154Said the cat, in a low voice.

155Not at all.

156Said Alice.

157She's so extremely— Just then she noticed that the queen was close behind her, listening.

158So she went on— Likely to win.

159That it's hardly worthwhile finishing the game.

160The queen smiled and passed on.

161Who are you talking to?

162Said the king, going up to Alice and looking at the cat's head with great curiosity.

163It's a friend of mine.

164A Cheshire cat.

165Said Alice.

166Allow me to introduce it.

167I don't like the look of it at all.

168Said the king.

169However, it may kiss my hand if it likes.

170I'd rather not.

171The cat remarked.

172Don't be impertinent.

173Said the king.

174And don't look at me like that.

175He got behind Alice as he spoke.

176A cat may look at a king.

177Said Alice.

178I've read that in some book.

179But I don't remember where.

180Well, it must be removed.

181Said the king very decidedly.

182And he called the queen, who was passing at the moment.

183My dear, I wish you would have this cat removed.

184The queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.

185Off with his head.

186She said, without even looking round.

187I'll fetch the executioner myself.

188Said the king eagerly.

189And he hurried off.

190Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on.

191As she heard the queen's voice in the distance screaming with passion.

192She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns.

193And she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not.

194So she went in search of her hedgehog.

195The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other.

196The only difficulty was that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.

197By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight.

198But it doesn't matter much, thought Alice, as all the archers are gone from this side of the ground.

199So she tucked it away under her arm that it might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.

200When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it.

201There was a dispute going on between the executioner, the king, and the queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent and looked very uncomfortable.

202The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her.

203Though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.

204The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from, that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life.

205The king's argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.

206The queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time, she'd have everybody executed all round.

207It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.

208Alice could think of nothing else to say, but— It belongs to the Duchess.

209You'd better ask her about it.

210She's in prison, the queen said to the executioner.

211Fetch her here.

212And the executioner went off like an arrow.

213The cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared.

214So the king and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.

215End of chapter 8