The Mad Tea-Party (Alice in Wonderland (Full Cast))

01CHAPTER VII.

02A MAD TEA-PARTY There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it.

03A Dormouse was sitting between them fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.

04Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, thought Alice.

05Only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.

06The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it.

07No room!

08No room!

09No room!

10They cried out when they saw Alice coming.

11There's plenty of room, said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large armchair at one end of the table.

12Have some wine, the March Hare said, in an encouraging tone.

13Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.

14I don't see any wine, she remarked.

15There isn't any, said the March Hare.

16Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it, said Alice angrily.

17It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited, said the March Hare.

18I didn't know it was your table, said Alice.

19It's laid for a great many more than three.

20Your hair wants cutting, said the Hatter.

21He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

22You should learn not to make personal remarks, Alice said with some severity.

23It's very rude.

24The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this, but all he said was, Why is a raven like a writing desk?

25Come, we shall have some fun now, thought Alice.

26I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.

27I believe I can guess that, she added aloud.

28Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it, said the March Hare?

29Exactly so, said Alice.

30Then you should say what you mean, the March Hare went on.

31I do, Alice hastily replied.

32At least, at least I mean what I say.

33That's the same thing, you know.

34Not the same thing a bit, said the Hatter.

35You might just as well say that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see.

36You might just as well say, added the March Hare, That I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.

37You might just as well say, added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, That I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe.

38It is the same thing with you, said the Hatter, And here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, While Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, Which wasn't much.

39The Hatter was the first to break the silence.

40What day of the month is it?

41He said, turning to Alice.

42He had taken his watch out of his pocket, And was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, And holding it to his ear.

43Alice considered a little, and then said, The fourth.

44Two days wrong, sighed the Hatter.

45I told you butter wouldn't suit the works, He added, looking angrily at the March Hare.

46It was the best, butter, The March Hare meekly replied.

47Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well.

48The Hatter grumbled.

49You shouldn't have put it in with the bread knife.

50The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily.

51Then he dipped it into his cup of tea and looked at it again, But he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark.

52It was the best butter, you know.

53Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.

54What a funny watch, she remarked.

55It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is.

56Why should it?

57muttered the Hatter.

58Does your watch tell you what year it is?

59Of course not, Alice replied very readily.

60But that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.

61Which is just the case with mine, said the Hatter.

62Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.

63The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, And yet it was certainly English.

64I don't quite understand you, she said, as politely as she could.

65The Dormouse is asleep again, said the Hatter, And he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.

66The Dormouse shook its head impatiently and said, Without opening its eyes, Of course, of course.

67Just what I was going to remark myself.

68Have you guessed the riddle yet?

69The Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

70No, I give it up, Alice replied.

71What's the answer?

72I haven't the slightest idea, said the Hatter.

73Nor I, said the March Hare.

74Alice sighed wearily.

75I think you might do something better with the time, she said, Than wasted in asking riddles that have no answers.

76If you knew time as well as I do, said the Hatter, You wouldn't talk about wasting it.

77It's him.

78I don't know what you mean, said Alice.

79Of course you don't, the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.

80I dare say you never even spoke to time.

81Perhaps not, Alice cautiously replied.

82But I know I have to beat time when I learn music.

83Ah, that accounts for it, said the Hatter.

84He won't stand beating.

85Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, He'd do almost anything you liked with the clock.

86For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, Just time to begin lessons.

87You'd only have to whisper a hint to time, And round goes the clock in a twinkling.

88Half past one time for dinner.

89I only wish it was, the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.

90That would be grand, certainly, said Alice thoughtfully.

91But then I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.

92Not at first, perhaps, said the Hatter.

93But you could keep it to half past one as long as you liked.

94Is that the way you manage?

95Alice asked.

96The Hatter shook his head mournfully.

97Not I, he replied.

98We quarrelled last March, just before he went mad, you know, Pointing with his teaspoon at the March Hare.

99It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, And I had to sing, Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, How I wonder what you're at.

100Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, How I wonder what you're at.

101You know the song, perhaps?

102I've heard something like it.

103Said Alice.

104It goes on, you know.

105The Hatter continued.

106In this way.

107Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky, Twinkle, twinkle.

108Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky, Twinkle, twinkle.

109Here the dormouse shook itself and began singing in its sleep.

110Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, And went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

111Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, Said the Hatter.

112When the Queen jumped up and bawled out, He's murdering the time, Off with his head.

113How dreadfully savage!

114exclaimed Alice.

115And ever since that?

116The Hatter went on in a mournful tone.

117He won't do a thing, I ask.

118It's always six o'clock now.

119A bright idea came into Alice's head.

120Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?

121She asked.

122Yes, that's it, Said the Hatter with a sigh.

123It's always tea-time, And we've no time to wash the things between whiles.

124Then you keep moving round, I suppose, Said Alice.

125Exactly so, Said the Hatter.

126As the things get used up.

127But what happens when you come to the beginning again?

128Alice ventured to ask.

129Suppose we change the subject.

130The March Hare interrupted, yawning.

131I'm getting tired of this.

132I vote.

133The young lady tells us a story.

134I'm afraid I don't know one, Said Alice, Rather alarmed at the proposal.

135Then the Dormouse shall.

136They both cried.

137Wake up, Dormouse!

138And they pinched it on both sides at once.

139The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes.

140I wasn't asleep, He said in a hoarse, feeble voice.

141I heard every word you fellows were saying.

142Tell us a story, Said the March Hare.

143Yes, please do, Pleaded Alice.

144And be quick about it, Added the Hatter.

145Or you'll be asleep again before it's done.

146Once upon a time there were three little sisters.

147The Dormouse began in a great hurry.

148And their names were Elsie, Lacey, and Tilly, And they lived at the bottom of a well.

149What did they live on?

150Said Alice, Who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.

151They lived on treacle, Said the Dormouse, After thinking a minute or two.

152They couldn't have done that, you know.

153Alice gently remarked.

154They'd have been ill.

155So they were, Said the Dormouse.

156Very ill.

157Alice tried to fancy to herself What such an extraordinary way of living would be like, But it puzzled her too much, So she went on.

158But why did they live at the bottom of a well?

159Take some more tea, The March Hare said to Alice very earnestly.

160I've had nothing yet, Alice replied in an offended tone.

161So I can't take more.

162You mean you can't take less, Said the Hatter.

163It's very easy to take more than nothing.

164Nobody asked your opinion, Said Alice.

165Who's making personal remarks now?

166The Hatter asked triumphantly.

167Alice did not quite know what to say to this, So she helped herself to some tea and bread and butter, And then turned to the Dormouse And repeated her question.

168Why did they live at the bottom of a well?

169The Dormouse again took a minute or two To think about it, And then said, It was a treacle well.

170There's no such thing.

171Alice was beginning very angrily, But the Hatter and the March Hare went, And the Dormouse sulkily remarked, If you can't be civil, You better finish the story for yourself.

172No, please go on, Alice said very humbly.

173I won't interrupt again.

174I dare say there may be one.

175One indeed, Said the Dormouse indignantly.

176However, he consented to go on.

177And so, These three little sisters, They were learning to draw, you know.

178What did they draw?

179Said Alice, Quite forgetting her promise.

180Jekyll!

181Said the Dormouse, Without considering at all this time.

182I want a clean cup.

183Interrupted the Hatter.

184Let's all move one place on.

185He moved on as he spoke, And the Dormouse followed him.

186The March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, And Alice, rather unwillingly, Took the place of the March Hare.

187The Hatter was the only one Who got any advantage from the change, And Alice was a good deal worse off than before, As the March Hare had just upset The milk-jug into his plate.

188Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, So she began very cautiously.

189But I don't understand.

190Where did they draw the treacle from?

191You can draw water out of a water-well, Said the Hatter.

192So I should think you could draw treacle Out of a treacle-well.

193Eh, stupid?

194But they were in the well, Alice said to the Dormouse, Not choosing to notice this last remark.

195Of course they were, Said the Dormouse.

196Well in.

197This answer so confused poor Alice That she let the Dormouse go on for some time Without interrupting it.

198They were learning to draw.

199The Dormouse went on, Yawning and rubbing its eyes, For it was getting very sleepy.

200And they drew all manner of things, Everything that begins with an M.

201Why with an M?

202Said Alice.

203Why not?

204Said the March Hare.

205Alice was silent.

206The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time And was going off into a doze.

207But on being pinched by the Hatter It woke up again with a little shriek And went on.

208E, E, E, E, That begins with an M.

209Such as mousetraps and the moon, And memory and muchness.

210You know you say things are much of a muchness.

211Did you ever see such a thing As a drawing of a muchness?

212Really?

213Now you ask me?

214Said Alice, very much confused.

215I don't think.

216Then you shouldn't talk.

217Said the Hatter.

218This piece of rudeness Was more than Alice could bear.

219She got up in great disgust And walked off.

220The Dormouse fell asleep instantly.

221And neither of the others Took the least notice of her going, Though she looked back once or twice, Half hoping that they would call after her.

222The last time she saw them They were trying to put the Dormouse Into the teapot.

223At any rate, I'll never go there again.

224Said Alice, As she picked her way through the wood.

225It's the stupidest tea party I ever was at in all my life.

226Just as she said this, She noticed that one of the trees Had a door leading right into it.

227That's very curious.

228She thought.

229But everything's curious to-day.

230I think I may as well go in at once.

231And in she went.

232Once more she found herself In the long hall And close to the little glass table.

233Now.

234I'll manage better this time.

235She said to herself, And began by taking the little golden key And unlocking the door That led into the garden.

236Then she went to work Nibbling at the mushroom.

237She had kept a piece of it In her pocket.

238Till she was about a foot high.

239Then she walked down The little passage.

240And then.

241She found herself at last In the beautiful garden.

242Among the bright flower-beds And the cool fountains.

243End of chapter 7 End of chapter 7