wonderland_ch_05 (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

01CHAPTER V.

02ADVICE FROM A CATTERPILLAR The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence.

03At last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

04Who are you?

05said the Caterpillar.

06This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.

07Alice replied, rather shyly, I hardly know, sir, just at present.

08At least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

09What do you mean by that?

10said the Caterpillar sternly.

11Explain yourself.

12I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir, said Alice, because I'm not myself, you see.

13I don't see, said the Caterpillar.

14I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, Alice replied, very politely, for I can't understand it myself to begin with, and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.

15It isn't, said the Caterpillar.

16Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet, said Alice, but when you have to turn into a chrysalis, you will some day, you know, and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?

17Not a bit, said the Caterpillar.

18Well, perhaps your feelings may be different, said Alice.

19All I know is it would feel very queer to me.

20You, said the Caterpillar contemptuously, who are you?

21Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.

22Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such very short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, I think you ought to tell me who you are first.

23Why?

24said the Caterpillar.

25Here was another puzzling question, and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.

26Come back, the Caterpillar called after her.

27I've something important to say.

28This sounded promising, certainly.

29Alice turned and came back again.

30Keep your temper, said the Caterpillar.

31Is that all?

32said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.

33No, said the Caterpillar.

34Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps, after all, it might tell her something worth hearing.

35For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, So you think you're changed, do you?

36I'm afraid I am, sir, said Alice.

37I can't remember things as I used, and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together.

38Can't remember what things, said the Caterpillar.

39Well, I've tried to say, How doth the little busy be?

40But it all came different, Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.

41Repeat, You're old Father William, said the Caterpillar.

42Alice folded her hands and began, You are old Father William, the young man said, and your hair has become very white, and yet you incessantly stand on your head.

43Do you think at your age it is right?

44In my youth, Father William replied to his son, I feared it might injure the brain, but now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, why I do it again and again.

45You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before, and have grown most uncommonly fat.

46Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door.

47Pray, what is the reason of that?

48In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, I kept all my limbs very supple.

49By the use of this ointment, one shilling the box, allow me to sell you a couple?

50You are old, said the youth, and your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than suet.

51Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak.

52Pray, how did you manage to do it?

53In my youth, said his father, I took to the law, and argued each case with my wife, and the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw has lasted the rest of my life.

54You are old, said the youth, one would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever.

55Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose.

56What made you so awfully clever?

57I have answered three questions, and that is enough, said his father.

58Don't give yourself airs.

59Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

60Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs.

61That is not said right, said the caterpillar.

62Not quite right, I'm afraid, said Alice, timidly.

63Some of the words have got altered.

64It is wrong from beginning to end, said the caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.

65The caterpillar was the first to speak.

66What size do you want to be?

67it asked.

68Oh, I'm not particular as to size, Alice hastily replied.

69Only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.

70I don't know, said the caterpillar.

71Alice said nothing.

72She had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.

73Are you content now, said the caterpillar?

74Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind, said Alice.

75Three inches is such a wretched height to be.

76It is a very good height, indeed, said the caterpillar, angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke.

77It was exactly three inches high.

78But I'm not used to it, pleaded poor Alice, in a piteous tone.

79And she thought to herself, I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended.

80You'll get used to it in time, said the caterpillar, and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.

81This time, Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.

82In a minute or two, the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice and shook itself.

83Then it got down off the mushroom and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, One side will make you grow taller and the other side will make you grow shorter.

84One side of what?

85The other side of what?

86thought Alice to herself.

87Of the mushroom, said the caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud.

88And in another moment it was out of sight.

89Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it, and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.

90However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.

91And now, which is which?

92she said to herself and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect.

93The next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin.

94It had struck her foot.

95She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost as she was shrinking rapidly.

96So she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit.

97Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot that there was hardly room to open her mouth, but she did it at last and managed to swallow a morsel of the left-hand bit.

98Come, my head's free at last, said Alice, in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found.

99All she could see when she looked down was an immense length of neck which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.

100What can all that green stuff be?

101said Alice.

102And where have my shoulders got to?

103And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?

104She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.

105As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent.

106She had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag and was going to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry.

107A large pigeon had flown into her face and was beating her violently with its wings.

108Serpent!

109screamed the pigeon.

110I'm not a serpent, said Alice indignantly.

111Let me alone.

112Serpent!

113I say again, repeated the pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, I've tried every way and nothing seems to suit them.

114I haven't the least idea what you're talking about, said Alice.

115I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried hedges, the pigeon went on without attending to her, but those serpents, there's no pleasing them.

116Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the pigeon had finished.

117As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, said the pigeon, but I must be on the lookout for serpents night and day.

118Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks.

119I'm very sorry you've been annoyed, said Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning.

120And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood, continued the pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from the sky.

121Ugh, serpent!

122But I'm not a serpent, I tell you, said Alice.

123I'm a, I'm a...

124Well, what are you, said the pigeon?

125I can see you're trying to invent something.

126I'm a little girl, said Alice, rather doubtfully.

127As she remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.

128A likely story indeed, said the pigeon, in a tone of the deepest contempt.

129I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never one with such a neck as that.

130No, no, you're a serpent, and there's no use denying it.

131I suppose you'll be telling me next that you have never tasted an egg.

132I have tasted eggs, certainly, said Alice, who was a very truthful child.

133But little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know.

134I don't believe it, said the pigeon.

135But if they do, why then, they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.

136This was such a new idea to Alice that she was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the pigeon the opportunity of adding, You're looking for eggs, I know that well enough, and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?

137It matters a good deal to me, said Alice hastily.

138But I'm not looking for eggs as it happens, and if I was, I shouldn't want yours.

139I don't like them raw.

140Well, be off then, said the pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest.

141Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it.

142After a while, she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.

143It was so long since she had been anything near the right size that it felt quite strange at first, but she got used to it in a few minutes and began talking to herself as usual.

144Come, there's half my plan done now.

145How puzzling all these changes are!

146I'm never sure what I'm going to be from one minute to another.

147However, I've got back to my right size.

148The next thing is to get into that beautiful garden.

149How is that to be done, I wonder?

150As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.

151Whoever lives there, thought Alice, it'll never do to come upon them this size.

152Why, I should frighten them out of their wits!

153So she began nibbling at the right-hand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high.

154End of Chapter 5 Recorded December 28, 2005 in Longmont, Colorado and Colorado.