wonderland_ch_07 (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

01CHAPTER VII.

02A MAD TEA-PARTY.

03There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it.

04A Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.

05Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, thought Alice, only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.

06The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it.

07No room!

08no room!

09they cried out when they saw Alice coming.

10It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited, said the March Hare.

11I didn't know it was your table, said Alice.

12It's laid for a great many more than three.

13Your hair wants cutting, said the Hatter.

14He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

15You should learn not to make personal remarks, Alice said with some severity.

16It's very rude.

17The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this, but all he said was, Why is a raven like a writing-desk?

18Come, we shall have some fun now, thought Alice.

19I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.

20I believe I can guess that, she added aloud.

21Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it, said the March Hare?

22Exactly so, said Alice.

23Then you should say what you mean, the March Hare went on.

24I do, Alice hastily replied.

25At least, at least I mean what I say.

26That's the same thing, you know.

27Not the same thing a bit, said the Hatter.

28You might just as well say, added the March Hare, that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.

29You might just as well say, added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, that I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe.

30It is the same thing with you, said the Hatter.

31And here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.

32The Hatter was the first to break the silence.

33What day of the month is it?

34he said, turning to Alice.

35He had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.

36Alice considered a little, and then said, The fourth.

37Two days wrong, sighed the Hatter.

38I told you butter wouldn't suit the works, he added, looking angrily at the March Hare.

39It was the best butter, the March Hare meekly replied.

40Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well, the Hatter grumbled.

41You shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.

42The March Hare took the watch, and looked at it gloomily.

43Then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again, but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark.

44It was the best butter, you know.

45Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.

46What a funny watch!

47she remarked.

48It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is.

49Why should it?

50muttered the Hatter.

51Does your watch tell you what year it is?

52Of course not, Alice replied, very readily.

53But that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.

54Which is just the case with mine, said the Hatter.

55Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.

56The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.

57I don't quite understand you, she said, as politely as she could.

58The Dormouse is asleep again, said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.

59The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, Of course, of course, just what I was going to remark myself.

60Have you guessed the riddle yet?

61the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

62No, I give it up, Alice replied.

63What's the answer?

64I haven't the slightest idea, said the Hatter.

65Nor I, said the March Hare.

66Alice sighed wearily.

67I think you might do something better with the time, she said, Than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.

68If you knew time as well as I do, said the Hatter, You wouldn't talk about wasting it.

69It's him.

70I don't know what you mean, said Alice.

71Of course you don't, the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.

72I dare say you never even spoke to time.

73Perhaps not, Alice cautiously replied.

74But I know I have to beat time when I learn music.

75Ah, that accounts for it, said the Hatter.

76He won't stand beating.

77Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, He'd do almost anything you liked with the clock.

78For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, Just time to begin lessons.

79You'd only have to whisper a hint to time, And round goes the clock in a twinkling.

80Half-past one, time for dinner.

81I only wish it was, the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.

82That would be grand, certainly, said Alice, thoughtfully.

83But then, I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.

84Not at first, perhaps, said the Hatter.

85But you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.

86Is that the way you manage?

87Alice asked.

88The Hatter shook his head mournfully.

89Not I, he replied.

90We quarrelled last March, Just before he went mad, you know, Pointing with his teaspoon at the March Hare.

91It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, And I had to sing, Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, How I wonder what you're at.

92You know the song, perhaps?

93I've heard something like it, said Alice.

94It goes on, you know.

95The Hatter continued.

96In this way.

97Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky, Twinkle, twinkle.

98Here the Dormouse shook itself, And began singing in its sleep, Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, And went on so long, That they had to pinch it to make it stop.

99Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, Said the Hatter, When the Queen jumped up and bawled out, He's murdering the time, Off with his head.

100How dreadfully savage!

101Exclaimed Alice.

102And ever since that, The Hatter went on, In a mournful tone, He won't do a thing, I ask.

103It's always six o'clock now.

104A bright idea came into Alice's head.

105Is that the reason so many tea-things Are put out here?

106She asked.

107Yes, that's it, Said the Hatter with a sigh.

108It's always tea-time, And we've no time to wash the things Between whiles.

109Then you keep moving round, I suppose, Said Alice.

110Exactly so, Said the Hatter, As the things get used up.

111But what happens When you come to the beginning again?

112Alice ventured to ask.

113Suppose we change the subject, The March Hare interrupted, Yawning.

114I'm getting tired of this.

115I vote the young lady Tells us a story.

116I'm afraid I don't know one, Said Alice, Rather alarmed at the proposal.

117Then the Dormouse shall, They both cried.

118Wake up, Dormouse, Dormouse, And they pinched it On both sides at once.

119The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes.

120I wasn't asleep, He said, In a hoarse, feeble voice.

121I heard every word You fellows were saying.

122Tell us a story, Said the March Hare.

123Yes, please do, Pleaded Alice.

124And be quick about it, Added the Hatter, Or you'll be asleep again Before it's done.

125Once upon a time, There were three little sisters, The Dormouse began, In a great hurry.

126And their names were Elsie, Lacey, And Tilly, And they lived at the bottom Of a well.

127What did they live on?

128Said Alice, Said Alice, Who always took a great interest In questions of eating And drinking.

129They lived on treacle, Said the Dormouse, After thinking a minute or two.

130They couldn't have done that, You know, Alice gently remarked.

131They'd have been ill.

132So they were, Said the Dormouse, Very ill.

133Alice tried to fancy to herself What such an extraordinary way Of living would be like, But it puzzled her too much.

134So she went on.

135But why did they live At the bottom of a well?

136Take some more tea, The March Hare said to Alice, Very earnestly.

137I've had nothing yet, Alice replied, In an offended tone.

138So I can't take more.

139You mean you can't take less, Said the Hatter.

140It's very easy To take more than nothing.

141Nobody asked your opinion, Said Alice.

142Who's making personal remarks now?

143The Hatter asked, Triumphantly.

144Alice did not quite know What to say to this.

145So she helped herself To some tea, And bread and butter, And then turned to the Dormouse, And repeated her question.

146Why did they live At the bottom of a well?

147The Dormouse again Took a minute or two To think about it, And then said, It was a treacle well.

148There's no such thing.

149Alice was beginning, Very angrily, But the Hatter And the March Hare Went, Shh, Shh, And the Dormouse Sulkily remarked, If you can't be civil, You'd better finish The story for yourself.

150No, Please go on, Alice said, Very humbly.

151I won't interrupt again.

152I dare say There may be one.

153One indeed, Said the Dormouse indignantly.

154However, He consented to go on.

155And so, These three little sisters, They were learning To draw, You know.

156What did they draw?

157Said Alice, Quite forgetting her promise.

158Treacle, Said the Dormouse, Without considering At all this time.

159I want a clean cup, Interrupted the Hatter.

160Let's all move One place on.

161He moved on As he spoke, And the Dormouse Followed him.

162The March Hare Moved into the Dormouse's Place, And Alice rather Unwillingly took the Place of the March Hare.

163The Hatter was the only one Who got any advantage From the change, And Alice was a good deal Worse off than before, As the March Hare Had just upset the milk jug Into his plate.

164Alice did not wish To offend the Dormouse Again, So she began Very cautiously.

165But I don't understand.

166Where did they draw The treacle from?

167You can draw water Out of a water-well, Said the Hatter.

168So I should think You could draw treacle Out of a treacle-well, Eh, stupid?

169But they were In the well, Alice said To the Dormouse, Not choosing to notice, This last remark.

170Of course they were, Said the Dormouse.

171Well in.

172This answer So confused poor Alice That she let the Dormouse Go on for some time, Without interrupting it.

173They were learning to draw, The Dormouse went on, Yawning and rubbing its eyes, For it was getting Very sleepy.

174And they drew All manner of things, Everything that begins With an M.

175Why with an M?

176Said Alice.

177Why not?

178Said the March Hare.

179Alice was silent.

180The Dormouse had closed Its eyes by this time, And was going off Into a doze.

181But on being pinched By the Hatter, It woke up again With a little shriek, And went on.

182That begins with an M, Such as mouse-traps, And the moon, And memory, And muchness.

183You know you say Things are much of a muchness.

184Did you ever see Such a thing As a drawing of a muchness?

185Really, Now you ask me, Said Alice, Very much confused.

186I don't think— Then you shouldn't talk, Said the Hatter.

187This piece of rudeness Was more than Alice could bear.

188She got up in great disgust And walked off.

189The Dormouse fell asleep instantly, And neither of the others Took the least notice Of her going, Though she looked back Once or twice, Half hoping that they Would call after her.

190The last time she saw them, They were trying to put The Dormouse into the teapot.

191At any rate, I'll never go there again, Said Alice, As she picked her way Through the wood.

192It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at In all my life.

193Just as she said this, She noticed that one of the trees Had a door leading right into it.

194That's very curious, She thought.

195But everything's curious to-day.

196I think I may as well go in at once.

197And in she went.

198Once more she found herself In the long hall, And close to the little glass table.

199Now I'll manage better this time, She said to herself, And began by taking the little golden key, And unlocking the door That led into the garden.

200Then she went to work Nibbling at the mushroom.

201She had kept a piece of it In her pocket, Till she was about a foot high.

202Then she walked down The little passage, And then, She found herself at last In the beautiful garden, Among the bright flower-beds And the cool fountains.

203End of chapter 7 Recorded on November 11, 2005 In Oceanside, California And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden, And the beautiful garden,