wonderland_ch_08 (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

01CHAPTER VIII.

02THE QUEEN'S CROKET GROUND A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden.

03The roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red.

04Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say, Look out now, Five!

05Don't go splashing paint all over me like that!

06I couldn't help it, said Five in a sulky tone.

07Seven jogged my elbow, on which Seven looked up and said, That's right, Five!

08Always lay the blame on others.

09You'd better not talk, said Five.

10I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserve to be beheaded.

11What for?

12said the one who had spoken first.

13That's none of your business, too, said Seven.

14Yes, it is his business, said Five, and I'll tell him it was for bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions.

15Seven flung down his brush and had just begun, Well, of all the unjust things!

16When his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly.

17The others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.

18Would you tell me, said Alice a little timidly, why are you painting those roses?

19Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two.

20Two began in a low voice.

21Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, The Queen!

22The Queen!

23And the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces.

24There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.

25First came ten soldiers, carrying clubs.

26They were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners.

27Next, the ten courtiers.

28These were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did.

29After these came the royal children.

30There were ten of them, and the little deers came jumping merrily along, hand in hand, in couples.

31They were all ornamented with hearts.

32Next came the guests, mostly kings and queens, and among them Alice recognized the white rabbit.

33It was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her.

34Then followed the knave of hearts, carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and last of all this grand procession came the King and Queen of Hearts.

35Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions.

36And besides, what would be the use of a procession, thought she, if people all had to lie down upon their faces so they couldn't see it?

37So she stood still where she was, and waited.

38When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely, Who is this?

39She said it to the knave of hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.

40Idiot, said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently, and turning to Alice, she went on, What's your name, child?

41My name is Alice, so please your majesty, said Alice very politely, but she added to herself, Why, there are only a pack of cards, after all.

42I needn't be afraid of them.

43And who are these?

44said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners, who were lying round the rose-tree, for, you see, as they were all lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack.

45She could not tell whether they were her gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.

46How should I know?

47said Alice, surprised at her own courage.

48It's no business of mine.

49The Queen turned crimson with fury, and after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed, Off with her head!

50Off!

51Nonsense!

52said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

53The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said, Consider, my dear, she is only a child.

54The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the knave, Turn them over!

55The knave did so very carefully, with one foot.

56Get up!

57said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.

58Leave off that!

59screamed the Queen.

60You make me giddy!

61And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, What have you been doing here?

62May it please your majesty!

63said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke.

64We were trying.

65I see!

66said the Queen, who had, meanwhile, been examining the roses.

67Off with their heads!

68And the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.

69You shan't be beheaded!

70said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near.

71The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.

72Are their heads off?

73shouted the Queen.

74Their heads are gone, if it please your majesty!

75the soldiers shouted in reply.

76That's right!

77shouted the Queen.

78Can you play croquet?

79The soldiers were silent and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.

80Yes!

81shouted Alice.

82Come on, then!

83roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.

84It's a very fine day!

85said a timid voice at her side.

86She was walking by the white rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

87Very!

88said Alice.

89Where's the Duchess?

90Whoosh!

91whoosh!

92said the rabbit, in a low, hurried tone.

93He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered, She's under sentence of execution!

94What for?

95said Alice.

96Did you say, what a pity?

97the rabbit asked.

98No, I didn't, said Alice.

99I don't think it's at all a pity.

100I said, what for?

101She boxed the Queen's ears!

102the rabbit began.

103Alice gave a little scream of laughter.

104Oh, hush!

105the rabbit whispered in a frightened tone.

106The Queen will hear you!

107You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said, Get to your places!

108shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other.

109However, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began.

110Alice thought she'd never seen such a curious croquet ground in her life.

111It was all ridges and furrows.

112The balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingos, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet to make the arches.

113The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo.

114She succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing, and when she got its head down, and she was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away.

115Besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

116The players all played at once, without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs, and in a very short time the queen was in a furious fashion, and went stamping about and shouting, Off with his head!

117Off with her head!

118about once in a minute.

119Alice began to feel very uneasy.

120To be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, and then, thought she, what would become of me?

121They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here.

122The great wonder is that there's anyone left alive.

123She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air.

124It puzzled her very much at first, but after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself, It's the Cheshire Cat!

125Now I shall have somebody to talk to.

126How are you getting on?

127said the cat, as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with.

128Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded.

129It's no use speaking to it, she thought, till its ears have come, or at least one of them.

130In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.

131The cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

132I don't think they play at all fairly, Alice began, in rather a complaining tone.

133And they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak.

134And they don't seem to have any rules in particular.

135At least, if there are, nobody attends to them.

136And you've no idea how confusing it is, all the things being alive.

137For instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next, walking about at the other end of the ground.

138And I should have crocaded the queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming.

139How do you like the queen?

140said the cat, in a low voice.

141Not at all, said Alice.

142She's so extremely.

143Just then she noticed that the queen was close behind her, listening, so she went on, likely to win, but it's hardly worthwhile finishing the game.

144The queen smiled, and passed on.

145Who are you talking to?

146said the king, going up to Alice and looking at the cat's head with great curiosity.

147It's a friend of mine, a Cheshire cat, said Alice.

148Allow me to introduce it.

149I don't like the look of it at all, said the king.

150However, it may kiss my hand if it likes.

151I'd rather not, the cat remarked.

152Don't be impertinent, said the king.

153And don't look at me like that, he got behind Alice as he spoke.

154A cat may look at a king, said Alice.

155I've read that in some book, but I don't remember where.

156Well, it must be removed, said the king, very decidedly, and he called the queen, who was passing at the moment.

157My dear, I wish you would have this cat removed.

158The queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.

159Off with his head, she said, without even looking round.

160I'll fetch the executioner myself, said the king eagerly, and he hurried off.

161Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on, as she heard the queen's voice in the distance screaming with passion.

162She'd already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not.

163So she went in search of her hedgehog.

164The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other.

165The only difficulty was that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.

166By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight.

167But it doesn't matter much, thought Alice, as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground.

168So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.

169When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected around it.

170There was a dispute going on between the executioner, the king, and the queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent and looked very uncomfortable.

171The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.

172The executioner's argument was, you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from.

173That he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life.

174The king's argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.

175The queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time, she'd had everybody executed all around.

176It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.

177Alice could think of nothing else to say, but it belongs to the duchess, you better ask her about it.

178She's in prison, the queen said to the executioner.

179Fetch her here, and the executioner went off like an arrow.

180The cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and by the time he had come back with the duchess, it had entirely disappeared.

181So the king and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.

182End of chapter 8 Read by Kristen McQuillan, Tokyo, Japan December 15, 2005