wonderland_ch_03 (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

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05Barnett Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll Chapter 3 A Caucus Race and a Long Tail They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank.

06The birds with draggled feathers.

07The animals with their fur clinging close to them.

08And all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.

09The first question, of course, was how to get dry again.

10I am older than you and must know better.

11And this Alice would not allow, without knowing how old it was.

12And, as the lorry positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.

13At last, the mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, Sit down, all of you, and listen to me.

14I'll soon make you dry enough.

15They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the mouse in the middle.

16Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.

17Ahem!

18said the mouse, with an important air.

19Are you all ready?

20This is the driest thing I know.

21Silence all around, if you please.

22William the Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.

23Edmund and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and North Umbria, Ugh!

24said the lorry with a shiver.

25I beg your pardon, said the mouse, frowning, but very politely.

26Did you speak?

27Not I, said the lorry hastily.

28I thought you did, said the mouse.

29I proceed.

30Edmund and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and North Umbria, declared for him.

31And even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable.

32Found what?

33said the duck.

34Found it, the mouse replied rather crossly.

35Of course you know what it means.

36I know what it means well enough.

37When I find a thing, said the duck, it's generally a frog or a worm.

38The question is, what did the archbishop find?

39The mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on.

40Found it advisable to go with Edgar Aetheling to meet William and offer him the crown.

41William's conduct was at first moderate, but the insolence of his Normans.

42How are you getting on now, my dear?

43It continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.

44As wet as ever, said Alice in a melancholy tone.

45It doesn't seem to dry me at all.

46In that case, said the dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies.

47Speak English, said the eaglet.

48I don't know the meaning of half those long words.

49And, what's more, I don't believe you do either.

50And the eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile.

51Some of the other birds tittered audibly.

52What I was going to say, said the dodo in an offended tone, was that the best thing is to get us dry would be a caucus race.

53What is a caucus race, said Alice.

54Not that she wanted much to know, but the dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

55Why, said the dodo, the best way to explain it is to do it.

56And you might like to try the thing yourself some winter day.

57I will tell you how the dodo managed it.

58First, it marked out a race course in a sort of circle.

59The exact shape doesn't matter, it said.

60And then all the party were placed along the course, here and there.

61There was no one, two, three, and away, but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over.

62However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the dodo suddenly called out, The race is over!

63And they all crowded round it, panting and asking, But who has won?

64This question the dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought.

65And it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead, the position in which you usually see Shakespeare in the pictures of him, while the rest waited in silence.

66At last the dodo said, Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.

67But who is to give the prizes?

68Quite a chorus of voices asked.

69Why, she, of course, said the dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger.

70And the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, Prizes!

71Prizes!

72Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a box of comfits.

73Luckily the salt water had not got into it.

74And handed them round as prizes.

75There was exactly one apiece all round.

76But she must have a prize herself, you know, said the mouse.

77Of course, the dodo replied very gravely.

78What else have you got in your pocket?

79He went on, turning to Alice.

80Only a thimble, said Alice sadly.

81Hand it over here, said the dodo.

82Then they all crowded round her once more, while the dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying, We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.

83And, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.

84Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh, and as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.

85The next thing was to eat the comfits.

86This caused some noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.

87However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring and begged the mouse to tell them something more.

88You promised to tell me your history, you know, said Alice, and why it is you hate C and D, she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.

89Mine is a long and a sad tale, said the mouse, turning to Alice and sighing.

90It is a long tale, certainly, said Alice, looking down with wonder at the mouse's tale.

91But why do you call it sad?

92And she kept on puzzling about it while the mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something like this.

93Here the words are written on the page one to four on a line, and the lines are offset, so they snake down the page in a wavy fashion.

94And here's what they say.

95Fury said to a mouse that he met in the house, Let us both go to law.

96I will prosecute you.

97Come, I'll take no denial.

98We must have a trial.

99For really this morning I've nothing to do, said the mouse to the cur, Such a trial, dear sir, with no jury or judge would be wasting our breath.

100I'll be judge, I'll be jury, said cunning old Fury.

101I'll try the whole cause and condemn you to death.

102And there's where the snaky text ends.

103Continuing.

104You are not attending, said the mouse to Alice severely.

105What are you thinking of?

106I beg your pardon, said Alice, very humbly.

107You had got to the fifth bend, I think.

108I had not, cried the mouse, sharply and very angrily.

109A knot, said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anxiously about her.

110Oh, do let me help to undo it.

111I shall do nothing of the sort, said the mouse, getting up and walking away.

112You insult me by talking such nonsense.

113I didn't mean it, pleaded poor Alice, but you're so easily offended, you know.

114The mouse only growled in reply.

115Please come back and finish your story, Alice called after it, and the others all joined in chorus.

116Yes, please do.

117But the mouse only shook its head impatiently and walked a little quicker.

118What a pity it wouldn't stay, sighed the lorry, as soon as it was quite out of sight, and an old crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter, Ah, my dear, let this be a lesson to you, never to lose your temper.

119Hold your tongue, Ma, said the young crab a little snappishly.

120You're enough to try the patience of an oyster.

121Oh, I wish I had our Dinah here.

122I know I do, said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular.

123She'd soon fetch it back.

124And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question, said the lorry.

125Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet.

126Dinah's our cat, and she's such a capital one for catching mice, you can't think.

127And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds.

128Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it.

129This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.

130Some of the birds hurried off at once.

131One old magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, I really must be getting home.

132The night air doesn't suit my throat.

133And the canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, Come away, my dears.

134It's high time.

135You were all in bed.

136On various pretexts, they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.

137Oh, I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah, she said to herself in a melancholy tone.

138Nobody seems to like her down here, and I'm sure she's the best cat in the world.

139Oh, my dear Dinah, I wonder if I shall ever see you anymore.

140And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.

141In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the mouse had changed his mind and was coming back to finish his story.

142This is the end of chapter three.

143Thank you.