A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale (Alice in Wonderland (Full Cast))

01Chapter 3.

02A Caucus-Race and a Long Tail.

03They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank, the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross and uncomfortable.

04The first question, of course, was how to get dry again.

05They had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life.

06Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the lorry, who at last turned sulky and would only say, I am older than you, and must know better.

07And this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the lorry positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.

08At last the mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, Sit down, all of you, and listen to me.

09I'll soon make you dry enough.

10They all sat down at once in a large ring with the mouse in the middle.

11Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.

12Ahem, said the mouse with an important air.

13Are you all ready?

14This is the driest thing I know.

15Silence all round, if you please.

16William, the conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.

17Edward and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria.

18Oh!

19said the lorry with a shiver.

20I beg your pardon, said the mouse, frowning, but very politely.

21Did you speak?

22Not I.

23Ah!

24said the lorry hastily.

25I thought you did, said the mouse.

26I proceed.

27Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him, and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable.

28Found what?

29said the duck.

30Found it!

31the mouse replied rather crossly.

32Of course you know what it means.

33I know what it means well enough when I find a thing, said the duck.

34It's generally a frog or a worm.

35The question is, what did the archbishop find?

36The mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on.

37Found it advisable to go with Edgar Athling to meet William and offer him the crown.

38William's conduct at first was moderate, but the insolence of his Normans.

39How are you getting on now, my dear?

40it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.

41As wet as ever, said Alice in a melancholy tone.

42It doesn't seem to dry me at all.

43In that case, said the dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, I move that the meeting adjourn for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies.

44Speak English, said the eaglet.

45I don't know the meaning of half those long words.

46And, what's more, I don't believe you do either.

47And the eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile.

48Some of the other birds tittered audibly.

49What I was going to say, said the dodo in an offended tone, was that the best thing to get us dry would be a caucus race.

50What is a caucus race?

51said Alice.

52Not that she wanted much to know, but the dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

53Why, said the dodo, the best way to explain it is to do it.

54And, as you might like to try the thing yourself some winter day, I will tell you how the dodo managed it.

55First it marked out a race course in a sort of circle.

56The exact shape doesn't matter, it said.

57And then all the party were placed along the course here and there.

58There was no one, two, three, and away.

59But they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over.

60However, when they had been running half an hour or so and were quite dry again, the dodo suddenly called out, The race is over.

61And they all crowded round it panting and asking, But the dodo has won!

62This question the dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead, The position in which you usually see Shakespeare in the pictures of him, while the rest waited in silence.

63At last the dodo said, Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.

64But who is to pay the prizes?

65Quite a chorus of voices asked.

66Why, she, of course, said the dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger, And the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, Prize!

67Prize!

68Prize!

69Prize!

70Prize!

71Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a box of comfits.

72Luckily the salt water had not got into it, and handed them round as prizes.

73There was exactly one apiece all round.

74But she must have a prize herself, you know, said the mouse.

75Of course, The dodo replied very gravely.

76What else have you got in your pocket?

77He went on, turning to Alice.

78Only a thimble, said Alice sadly.

79Hand it over here, said the dodo.

80Then they all crowded round her once more, while the dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying, We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.

81And when it had finished this short speech they all cheered.

82Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh, And as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed and took the thimble, Looking as solemn as she could.

83The next thing was to eat the comfits.

84This caused some noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs, And the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.

85However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, And begged the mouse to tell them something more.

86Said to a mouse that he met in the house, Let us both go to law.

87I will prosecute you.

88Come, I'll take no denial.

89We must have a trial.

90For really, this morning I've nothing to do.

91A knot!

92A knot!

93Cried the mouse sharply and very angrily.

94A knot?

95Said Alice, always ready to make herself useful and looking anxiously about her.

96Oh, do let me help to undo it.

97I shall do nothing of the sort.

98Said the mouse, getting up and walking away.

99You insult me by talking such nonsense.

100I didn't mean it.

101Pleaded poor Alice.

102But you're so easily offended, you know.

103The mouse only growled in reply.

104Oh!

105Please, come back and finish your story.

106Alice called after it, and the others all joined in chorus.

107Yes, please do.

108But the mouse only shook its head impatiently and walked a little quicker.

109What a pity it wouldn't stay.

110Ah!

111Sied the lorry as soon as it was quite out of sight, and an old crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter.

112Ah, my dear, let this be a lesson to you, never to lose your temper.

113Hold your tongue, Ma.

114Said the young crab a little snappishly.

115You're enough to try the patience of an oyster.

116I wish I had our Dinah here.

117I know I do.

118Said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular.

119She'd soon fetch it back.

120And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?

121Rah!

122Ah!

123Said the lorry.

124Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet.

125Dinah's our cat, and she's such a capital one for catching mice, you can't think.

126And, oh, I wish you could see her after the birds.

127Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it.

128This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.

129Some of the birds hurried off at once.

130One old magpie began wrapping itself up, very carefully remarking, I really must be getting home.

131The night air doesn't suit my throat.

132And a canary called out in a trembling voice to its children.

133Come away, my dears.

134It's high time you were all in bed.

135On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.

136I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah.

137She said to herself in a melancholy tone.

138Nobody seems to like her, down here.

139And I'm sure she's the best cat in the world.

140Oh, my dear Dinah, I wonder if I shall ever see you any more.

141And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.

142In a little while, however, she heard again a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.

143End of chapter 3