Chapter 08 (Jane Eyre (Full Cast))

01Chapter 8.

02E'er the half-hour ended, five o'clock struck.

03School was dismissed, and all were gone into the refectory to tea.

04I now ventured to descend.

05It was deep dusk.

06I retired into a corner and sat down on the floor.

07The spell by which I had been so far supported began to dissolve.

08Reaction took place, and soon so overwhelming was the grief that seized me.

09I sank prostrate with my face to the ground.

10Now I wept.

11Helen Burns was not here.

12Nothing sustained me.

13Left to myself, I abandoned myself, and my tears watered the boards.

14I had meant to be so good, and to do so much at Lowood, to make so many friends, to earn respect and win affection.

15Already I had made visible progress.

16That very morning I had reached the head of my class.

17Miss Miller had praised me warmly.

18Miss Temple had smiled at probation.

19She had promised to teach me drawing and to let me learn French if I continued to make similar improvement two months longer.

20And then I was well received by my fellow pupils, treated as an equal by those of my own age, and not molested by any.

21Now here I lay again, crushed and trodden on.

22And could I ever rise more?

23Never, I thought, and ardently I wished to die.

24While sobbing out this wish in broken accents, someone approached.

25I started up.

26Again Helen Burns was near me.

27The fading fires just showed her coming up the long, vacant room.

28She brought my coffee and bread.

29Come, eat something, she said.

30But I put both away from me, feeling as if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my present condition.

31Helen regarded me, probably with surprise.

32I could not now abate my agitation, though I tried hard.

33I continued to weep aloud.

34She sat down on the ground near me, embraced her knees with her arms, and rested her head upon them.

35In that attitude she remained silent as an Indian.

36I was the first who spoke.

37Helen, why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be a liar?

38Everybody, Jane?

39Why, there are a lot of people who have had you caught so, as the world contains hundreds of millions.

40But what have I to do with millions?

41The eighty I know despise me.

42Jane, you are mistaken.

43Probably not wanting the skill I despises or dislikes you.

44Many, I'm sure.

45Pity you much.

46How can they pity me after what Mr.

47Brocklehurst has said?

48Mr.

49Brocklehurst is not a god.

50Nor is he even a great and a biot man.

51He is little like her.

52He never took steps to make himself liked.

53Had he treated you as a special favourite, you would have found enemies, declared a covert, all around you.

54As it is, the greater number would offer you sympathy if they dared.

55Teachers and pupils may look coolly and new for a judge, too.

56But friendly feelings are concerned with their hearts.

57And if you persevere and doing well, these feelings will ere long appear so much, though more evidently, for their temporary suppression.

58Besides, Jane.

59She paused.

60Well, Helen, said I, putting my hand into hers.

61She chafed my fingers gently to warm them, and went on.

62If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, or the inconscience would prove you, and absolve you from guilt, you would not be without friends.

63Helen.

64No.

65I know I should think well of myself.

66But that is not enough.

67If others don't love me, I would rather die than live.

68I cannot bear to be solitary and hated, Helen.

69Look here.

70To gain some real affection from you, or Miss Temple, or any other whom I truly love, I would willingly submit to have the bone of my arm broken, or to let a bull toss me, or to stand behind a kicking horse and let it dash its hoof at my chest.

71Hush, Jane.

72You think too much of the life of human beings.

73You are too impulsive, too vehement.

74The sovereign hand that created your frame, and put life into it, has provided you with other resources than your feeble self.

75Or than creatures feeble as you.

76Besides this earth, and besides your raised men, there is an invisible world, and a king of spirits.

77The world is round us, for it is everywhere, and there is spirits watch us, for they are commissioned to guard us, and, if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorned murders on all sides, and hatred crush us, angels see our tortures, recognize our innocence.

78If innocent we be, as I know you are of this charge, which Mr.

79Bracklehurst has weakly and pompously repeated, as second hand from Mrs.

80Reed.

81For I read the sincere nature on your ardent eyes, and on your clear front.

82And God weighs only the separation of spirit from flesh to crown us with full reward.

83Why, then, should we ever think of a warm distress, where life is so soon over?

84And death is a certain entrance to happiness, to glory.

85I was silent.

86Helen had calmed me, but in the tranquillity she imparted there was an alloy of inexpressible sadness.

87I felt the impression of woe as she spoke, but I could not tell whence it came.

88And when, having done speaking, she breathed a little fast, and coughed a short cough, I momentarily forgot my own sorrows to yield to a vague concern for her.

89Resting my head on Helen's shoulder, I put my arms round her waist.

90She drew me to her, and we reposed in silence.

91We had not sat long thus, when another person came in.

92Some heavy clouds, swept from the sky by a rising wind, had left the moon bare, and her light, streaming in through a window near, shone full both on us and on the approaching figure, which we at once recognized as Miss Temple.

93I came on purpose to find you, Jane Eyre, said she.

94I want you in my room, and as Helen Burns is with you, she may come too.

95We went.

96Following the superintendent's guidance, we had to thread some intricate passages, and mount a staircase before we reached her apartment.

97It contained a good fire, and looked cheerful.

98Miss Temple told Helen Burns to be seated in a low armchair on one side of the hearth, and herself taking another, she called me to her side.

99Is it all over?

100she asked, looking down at my face.

101Have you cried your grief away?

102I am afraid I never shall do that.

103Why?

104Because I have been wrongly accused.

105And you, ma'am, and everybody else, will now think me wicked.

106We shall think you what you prove yourself to be, my child.

107Continue to act as a good girl, and you will satisfy us.

108Shall I, Miss Temple?

109You will, said she, passing her arm round me.

110And now tell me, who is the lady whom Mr.

111Brocklehurst called your benefactress?

112Mrs.

113Reed, my uncle's wife.

114My uncle is dead, and he left me to her care.

115Did she not then adopt you of her own accord?

116No, ma'am.

117She was sorry to have to do it.

118But my uncle, as I have often heard the servants say, got her to promise before he died that she would always keep me.

119Well now, Jane, you know, or at least I will tell you, that when a criminal is accused he is always allowed to speak in his own defence.

120You have been charged with falsehood.

121Defend yourself to me as well as you can.

122Say whatever your memory suggests is true, but add nothing, and exaggerate nothing.

123I resolved, in the depth of my heart, that I would be most moderate, most correct, and having reflected a few minutes in order to arrange coherently what I had to say, I told her all the story of my sad childhood.

124Exhausted by emotion, my language was more subdued than it generally was when it developed that sad theme, and mindful of Helen's warnings against the indulgence of resentment, I infused into the narrative far less of gall and wormwood than ordinary.

125Thus restrained and simplified, it sounded more credible.

126I felt as I went on that Miss Temple fully believed me.

127In the course of the tale I had mentioned Mr.

128Lloyd as having come to see me after the fit, for I never forgot the, to me, frightful episode of the Red Room, in detailing which my excitement was sure in some degree to break bounds, for nothing could soften in my recollection the spasm of agony which clutched my heart when Mrs.

129Reed spurned my wild supplication for pardon, and locked me a second time in the dark and haunted chamber.

130I had finished.

131Miss Temple regarded me a few minutes in silence.

132She then said, I know something of Mr.

133Lloyd.

134I shall write to him.

135If his reply agrees with your statement, you shall be publicly cleared from every imputation.

136To me, Jane, you are clear now.

137She kissed me, and still keeping me at her side, where I was well contented to stand, for I derived a child's pleasure from the contemplation of her face, her dress, her one or two ornaments, her white forehead, her clustered and shining curls, and beaming dark eyes.

138She proceeded to address Helen Burns.

139How are you to-night, Helen?

140Have you coughed much to-day?

141Not quite so much, I think, Mum.

142And the pain in your chest?

143It is a little better.

144Miss Temple got up, took her hand, and examined her pulse.

145Then she returned to her own seat.

146As she resumed it, I heard her sigh low.

147She was pensive a few minutes.

148Then, rousing herself, she said cheerfully, But you two are my visitors to-night.

149I must treat you as such.

150She rang her bell.

151Barbara, she said to the servant who answered it, I have not yet had tea.

152Bring the tray and place cups for these two young ladies.

153And a tray was soon brought.

154How pretty to my eyes did the china cups and bright teapot look, placed on the little round table near the fire!

155How fragrant was the steam of the beverage and the scent of the toast!

156Of which, however, I, to my dismay, for I was beginning to be hungry, discerned only a very small portion.

157Miss Temple discerned it too.

158Barbara, said she, can you not bring a little more bread and butter?

159There is not enough for three.

160Barbara went out.

161She returned soon.

162Madam, Mrs.

163Harden says.

164She has sent up the usual quantity.

165Mrs.

166Harden, be it observed, was the housekeeper, a woman after Mr.

167Brocklehurst's own heart, made up of equal parts of whalebone and iron.

168Oh, very well, returned Miss Temple.

169We must make it do, Barbara, I suppose.

170And as the girl withdrew, she added, smiling, Fortunately, I have it in my power to supply deficiencies for this once.

171Having invited Helen and me to approach the table, and placed before each of us a cup of tea, With one delicious but thin morsel of toast, she got up, unlocked a drawer, and, taking from it a parcel wrapped in paper, Disclosed presently to our eyes a good-sized seed-cake.

172I meant to give each of you some of this to take with you, said she, but as there is so little toast, you must have it now.

173And she proceeded to cut slices with a generous hand.

174Of countries far away, of secrets of nature discovered or guessed at.

175They spoke of books, how many they had read, what stores of knowledge they possessed.

176Then they seemed so familiar with French names and French authors.

177But my amazement reached its climax when Miss Temple asked Helen if she sometimes snatched a moment to recall the Latin her father had taught her, And, taking a book from a shelf, bade her read and construe a page of Virgil.

178And Helen obeyed, my organ of veneration expanding at every sounding line.

179She had scarcely finished ere the bell announced bedtime.

180No delay could be admitted.

181Miss Temple embraced us both, saying, as she drew us to her heart, God bless you, my children.

182Helen she held a little longer than me.

183She let her go more reluctantly.

184It was Helen her eye followed to the door.

185It was for her she a second time breathed a sad sigh.

186For her she wiped a tear from her cheek.

187On reaching the bedroom we heard the voice of Miss Scatcherd.

188She was examining drawers.

189She had just pulled out Helen Burns's, and when we entered Helen was greeted with a sharp reprimand, and told that to-morrow she should have half a dozen of untidily folded articles pinned to her shoulder.

190My things were indeed in shameful order, murmured Helen to me in a low voice.

191I intended to have arranged them, but I forgot.

192Next morning Miss Scatcherd wrote in conspicuous characters on a piece of pasteboard the word Slattern, and bound it like a phylactery round Helen's large, mild, intelligent, and benign-looking forehead.

193She wore it till evening, patient, unresentful, regarding it as a deserved punishment.

194The moment Miss Scatcherd withdrew after afternoon school, I ran to Helen, tore it off, and thrust it into the fire.

195The fury of which she was incapable had been burning in my soul all day, and tears hot and large had continually been scalding my cheek, for the spectacle of her sad resignation gave me an intolerable pain at the heart.

196About a week subsequently to the incidents above narrated, Miss Temple, who had written to Mr.

197Lloyd, received his answer.

198It appeared that what he said went to corroborate my account.

199Miss Temple, having assembled the whole school, announced that inquiry had been made into the charges alleged against Jane Eyre, and that she was most happy to be able to pronounce her completely cleared from every imputation.

200The teachers then shook hands with me and kissed me, and a murmur of pleasure ran through the ranks of my companions.

201Thus relieved of a grievous load, I, from that hour set to work afresh, resolved to pioneer my way through every difficulty.

202I toiled hard, and my success was proportionate to my efforts.

203My memory, not naturally tenacious, improved with practice.

204Exercise sharpened my wits.

205In a few weeks I was promoted to a higher class.

206In less than two months I was allowed to commence French, and drawing.

207I learned the first two tenses of the verb, etre, and sketched my first cottage, whose walls, by the by, outrivaled and slope those of the leaning tower of Pisa, on the same day.

208That night, on going to bed, I forgot to prepare in imagination the barmecide supper of hot roast potatoes, or white bread and new milk, with which I was wont to amuse my inward cravings.

209I feasted instead on the spectacle of ideal drawings which I saw in the dark, all the work of my own hands, freely-pencilled houses and trees, picturesque rocks and ruins, kai up like groups of cattle, sweet paintings of butterflies hovering over unblown roses, of birds picking at ripe cherries, of wren's nests enclosing pearl-like eggs, wreathed about with young ivy sprays.

210I examined, too, in thought, the possibility of my ever being able to translate currently a certain little French story which Madame Pirot had that day shown me.

211Nor was that problem solved to my satisfaction, ere I fell sweetly asleep.

212Well, has Solomon said, better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

213I would not now have exchanged Lowood with all its privations, for Gateshead in its daily luxuries.

214End of chapter 8