Anne's Apology (Anne of Green Gables)

01CHAPTER X.

02ANN'S APOLOGY Marilla said nothing to Matthew about the affair that evening, but when Anne proved still refractory the next morning, an explanation had to be made to account for her absence from the breakfast table.

03Marilla told Matthew the whole story, taking pains to impress him with a due sense of the enormity of Anne's behavior.

04"'It's a good thing Rachel Lynn got a calling down.

05She's a meddlesome old gossip,' was Matthew's consolatory rejoinder.

06"'Matthew Cuthbert, I'm astonished at you.

07You know that Anne's behavior was dreadful, and yet you take her part.

08I suppose you'll be saying next that she oughtn't to be punished at all.' "'Well, now, no, not exactly,' said Matthew uneasily.

09"'I reckon she ought to be punished a little.

10But don't be too hard on her, Marilla.

11Recollect she hasn't ever had anyone to teach her right.

12You're—you're going to give her something to eat, aren't you?' "'When did you ever hear me of starving people into good behavior?' demanded Marilla indignantly.

13"'She'll have her meals regular, and I'll carry them up to her myself.

14But she'll stay up there until she's willing to apologize to Mrs.

15Lynde, and that's final, Matthew.'" Breakfast, dinner, and supper were very silent meals, for Anne still remained obdurate.

16After each meal, Marilla carried a well-filled tray to the east gable and brought it down later on, not noticeably depleted.

17Matthew eyed its last descent with a troubled eye.

18Had Anne eaten anything at all?

19When Marilla went out that evening to bring the cows from the back pasture, Matthew, who had been hanging about the barns and watching, slipped into the house with the air of a burglar and crept upstairs.

20As a general thing, Matthew gravitated between the kitchen and the little bedroom off the hall where he slept.

21Once in a while he ventured uncomfortably into the parlor or sitting-room when the minister came to tea.

22But he had never been upstairs in his own house since the spring he helped Marilla paper the spare bedroom, and that was four years ago.

23He tiptoed along the hall and stood for several minutes outside the door of the east gable before he summoned courage to tap on it with his fingers and then opened the door to peep in.

24Anne was sitting on the yellow chair by the window, gazing mournfully out into the garden.

25Very small and unhappy she looked, and Matthew's heart smote him.

26He softly closed the door and tiptoed over to her.

27"'Anne,' he whispered, as if afraid of being overheard.

28"'How are you making it, Anne?' Anne smiled wanly.

29"'Pretty well.

30I imagine a good deal, and that helps to pass the time.

31Of course it's rather lonesome, but then I may as well get used to that.' Anne smiled again, bravely facing the long years of solitary imprisonment before her.

32Matthew recollected that he must say what he had come to say without loss of time, lest Marilla return prematurely.

33"'Well now, Anne, don't you think you'd better do it and have it over with?' he whispered.

34"'It'll have to be done sooner or later, you know, for Marilla's a dreadful determined woman—dreadful determined, Anne.

35Do it right off, I say, and have it over.' "'Do you mean apologize to Mrs.

36Lynde?' "'Yes.

37Apologize.

38That's the very word,' said Matthew eagerly.

39"'Just smooth it over, so to speak.

40That's what I was trying to get at.' "'I suppose I could do it to oblige you,' said Anne thoughtfully.

41"'It would be true enough to say I'm sorry, because I am sorry now.

42I wasn't a bit sorry last night.

43I was mad clear through, and I stayed mad all night.

44I know I did, because I woke up three times and I was just furious every time.

45But this morning it was over.

46I wasn't in a temper any more.

47And it left a dreadful sort of gone-ness, too.

48I felt so ashamed of myself.

49But I just couldn't think of going and telling Mrs.

50Lynde so.

51It would be so humiliating.

52I made up my mind I'd stay shut up here forever rather than do that.

53But still, I'd do anything for you, if you really want me to.' "'Well, now, of course I do.

54It's terrible lonesome downstairs without you.

55Just go and smooth things over.

56That's a good girl.' "'Very well,' said Anne resignedly.

57"'I'll tell Marilla as soon as she comes in I've repented.' "'That's right, that's right, Anne.

58But don't tell Marilla I said anything about it.

59She might think I was putting my oar in, and I promised not to do that.' "'Wild horses won't drag the secret from me,' promised Anne solemnly.

60How would wild horses drag a secret from a person anyhow?' But Matthew was gone, scared at his own success.

61He fled hastily to the remotest corner of the horse pasture, lest Marilla should suspect what he had been up to.

62Marilla herself, upon her return to the house, was agreeably surprised to hear a plaintive voice calling, "'Marilla!' over the banisters.

63"'Well?' she said, going into the hall.

64"'I'm sorry I lost my temper and said rude things, and I'm willing to go and tell Mrs.

65Lynde so.' "'Very well?' Marilla's crispness gave no sign of her relief.

66She had been wondering what under the canopy she should do if Anne did not give in.

67"'I'll take you down after milking.' Accordingly after milking, behold Marilla and Anne walking down the lane, the former erect and triumphant, the latter drooping and dejected.

68But halfway down Anne's dejection vanished as if by enchantment.

69She lifted her head and stepped lightly along, her eyes fixed on the sunset sky and an air of subdued exhilaration about her.

70Marilla beheld the change disapprovingly.

71This was no meek penitent such as it behooved her to take into the presence of the offended Mrs.

72Lynde.

73"'What are you thinking of, Anne?' she asked sharply.

74"'I'm imagining out what I must say to Mrs.

75Lynde,' answered Anne dreamily.

76This was satisfactory—or should have been so.

77But Marilla could not rid herself of the notion that something in her scheme of punishment was going askew.

78Anne had no business to look so rapt and radiant.' Rapt and radiant, Anne continued until they were in the very presence of Mrs.

79Lynde, who was sitting knitting by her kitchen window.

80Then the radiance vanished.

81Mournful penitence appeared on every feature.

82Before a word was spoken, Anne suddenly went down on her knees before the astonished Mrs.

83Rachel and held out her hands beseechingly.

84"'Oh, Mrs.

85Lynde, I am so extremely sorry,' she said with a quiver in her voice.

86"'I could never express all my sorrow.

87No, not if I used up a whole dictionary.

88You must just imagine it.

89I behave terribly to you, and I have disgraced the dear friends, Matthew and Marilla, who have let me stay at Green Gables, although I'm not a boy.

90I'm a dreadfully wicked and ungrateful girl, and I deserve to be punished and cast out by respectable people forever.

91It was very wicked of me to fly into a temper because you told me the truth.' "'It was the truth.

92Every word you said was true.

93My hair is red, and I'm freckled and skinny and ugly.

94What I said to you was true too, but I shouldn't have said it.

95Oh, Mrs.

96Lynde, please, please forgive me.

97If you refuse it will be a lifelong sorrow to me.' "'You wouldn't like to inflict a lifelong sorrow on a poor little orphan girl, would you, even if she had a dreadful temper?' "'Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't.

98Please say you forgive me, Mrs.

99Lynde.' Anne clasped her hands together, bowed her head, and waited for the word of judgment.

100There was no mistaking her sincerity.

101It breathed in every tone of her voice.

102Both Marilla and Mrs.

103Lynde recognized its unmistakable ring.

104But the former understood in dismay that Anne was actually enjoying her valley of humiliation, was reveling in the thoroughness of her abasement.

105Where was the wholesome punishment upon which she, Marilla, had plumed herself?

106Anne had turned it into a species of positive pleasure.

107Good Mrs.

108Lynde, not being overburdened with perception, did not see this.

109She only perceived that Anne had made a very thorough apology, and all resentment vanished from her kindly, if somewhat officious, heart.

110"'There, there, get up, child,' she said heartily.

111Of course I forgive you.

112I guess I was a little too hard on you anyway.

113But I'm such an outspoken person.

114You just mustn't mind me, that's what.

115It can't be denied your hair is terrible red.

116But I knew a girl once—went to school with her, in fact—whose hair was every mite as red as yours when she was young, but when she grew up it darkened to a real handsome auburn.

117I wouldn't be a mite surprise if yours did too, not a mite.

118"'Oh, Mrs.

119Lynde!' Anne drew a long breath as she rose to her feet.

120"'You have given me a hope.

121I shall always feel that you are a benefactor.

122Oh, I could endure anything if I only thought my hair would be a handsome auburn when I grew up.

123It would be so much easier to be good if one's hair was a handsome auburn, don't you think?

124And now, may I go out into your garden and sit on that bench under the apple trees while you and Marilla are talking.

125There's so much more scope for imagination out there.

126Laws, yes, run along, child, and you can pick a bouquet of them white june lilies over in the corner if you like.'" As the door closed behind Anne, Mrs.

127Lynde got briskly up to light a lamp.

128"'She's a real odd little thing.

129Take this chair, Marilla.

130It's easier than the one you've got.

131I just keep that for the hired boy to sit on.' "'Yes, she certainly is an odd child.

132But there is something kind of taking about her, after all.

133I don't feel so surprised at you and Matthew keeping her as I did.

134Nor so sorry for you, either.

135She may turn out all right.

136Of course, she has a queer way of expressing herself.

137A little too—well, too kind of forcible, you know.

138But she'll likely get over that now that she's come to live among civilized folks.

139And then her temper's pretty quick, I guess.

140But there's one comfort.

141A child that has a quick temper just blaze up and cool down ain't never likely to be sly or deceitful.

142Preserve me from a sly child, that's what.

143On the whole, Marilla, I kind of like her.'" When Marilla went home, Anne came out of the fragrant twilight of the orchard with a sheaf of white narcissi in her hands.

144"'I apologized pretty well, didn't I?' she said proudly as they went down the lane.

145"'I thought since I had to do it, I might as well do it thoroughly.'" "'You did it thoroughly all right enough,' was Marilla's comment.

146Marilla was dismayed at finding herself inclined to laugh over the recollection.

147She had also an uneasy feeling that she ought to scold Anne for apologizing so well.

148But then that was ridiculous.

149She compromised with her conscience by saying severely, "'I hope you won't have occasion to make many more such apologies.

150I hope you'll try to control your temper now, Anne.'" "'That wouldn't be so hard if people wouldn't twit me about my looks,' said Anne with a sigh.

151"'I don't get cross about other things.

152But I'm so tired of being twitted about my hair, and it just makes me boil right over.

153Do you suppose my hair will really be a handsome auburn when I grow up?' "'You shouldn't think so much about your looks, Anne.

154I'm afraid you are a very vain little girl.'" "'How can I be vain when I know I'm homely?' protested Anne.

155"'I love pretty things, and I hate to look in the glass and see something that isn't pretty.

156It makes me feel so sorrowful, just as I feel when I look at any ugly thing.

157I pity it because it isn't beautiful.'" "'Handsome is as handsome does,' quoted Marilla.

158"'I've had that said to me before, but I have my doubts about it,' remarked sceptical Anne, sniffing at her Narcissi.

159"'Oh, aren't these flowers sweet?

160It was lovely of Mrs.

161Lynde to give them to me.

162I have no hard feelings against Mrs.

163Lynde now.

164It gives you a lovely, comfortable feeling to apologize and be forgiven, doesn't it?

165Aren't the stars bright tonight?

166If you could live in a star, which one would you pick?

167I'd like that lovely, clear, big one away over there above that dark hill.'" "'Anne, do hold your tongue,' said Marilla, thoroughly worn out, trying to follow the gyrations of Anne's thoughts.

168Anne said no more until they turned into their own lane.

169A little gypsy wind came down it to meet them, laden with the spicy perfume of young, dew-wet ferns.

170Far up in the shadows a cheerful light gleamed out through the trees from the kitchen at Green Gables.

171Anne suddenly came close to Marilla and slipped her hand into the older woman's hard palm.

172"'It's lovely to be going home, and know it's home,' she said.

173"'I love Green Gables already, and I never loved any place before.

174No place ever seemed like home.

175Oh, Marilla, I'm so happy.

176I could pray right now and not find it a bit hard.'" Something warm and pleasant welled up in Marilla's heart at a touch of that thin little hand in her own.

177A throb of the maternity she had missed, perhaps.

178Its very unaccustomedness and sweetness disturbed her.

179She hastened to restore her sensations to their normal calm by inculcating a moral.

180"'If you'll be a good girl, you'll always be happy, Anne.

181And you should never find it hard to say your prayers.'" "'Saying one's prayers isn't exactly the same thing as praying,' said Anne meditatively.

182"'But I'm going to imagine that I'm the wind that is blowing up there in those tree-tops.

183When I get tired of the trees, I'll imagine I'm gently waving down here in the ferns, and then I'll fly over to Mrs.

184Lynn's garden and set the flowers dancing, and then I'll go with one great swoop over the clover-field, and then I'll blow over the lake of shining waters and ripple it all up into little sparkling waves.

185Oh, there's so much scope for imagination in a wind, so I'll not talk any more just now, Marilla.'" "'Thanks be to goodness for that,' breathed Marilla in devout relief.

186End of chapter 10 "' "' "' "'